My Apologies...

I will never apologize for the disorders I have and what I've been through with them, but I can apologize for my actions that affected other people. I'm still not sure if the things I have done was because of my disorders. All I know is I am more mature now, receiving treatment and I'm on the right path. It's only been a short time but the right path nonetheless. 

I'm sorry for: being too depressed to get out of bed and go to school, work, see friends and family. For self medicating to the point I was drunk most days. For driving under the influence at times, showing up to my sister's graduation late and hung over, having to have people take care of me when I couldn't. For cutting myself and scaring my family, breaking curfew, running away for days. For ruining friendships, burning bridges at jobs, and blowing people off. For believing lies others told me that affected my actions and feelings towards others. For when I was manic, blowing my rent and money for bills on things I don't even remember. For embarrassing friends and family for my lack of filter on my mouth. 

I know I haven't covered everything but these are the things that I dwell on and bother me the most. I also apologize to myself for not reaching my potential and giving up on myself. I plan on picking myself up and becoming a late bloomer. Better late than never...

Disorders and Sports

As you may remember from one of my previous posts, I started a sports podcast with a friend of mine. The reasons behind this was A) I love sports and B) To help me try and conquer my social anxiety. In the latest one we just did we started talking about Zack Greinke, an ace pitcher currently with the Milwaukee Brewers. I almost forgot that a few years ago he was placed on the disabled list (d.l.) for social anxiety and depression. He has made tremendous strides and is now a premier pitcher in all of Major League Baseball.

I remember when he was with the Kansas City Royals and placed on the d.l. in 2006. There was a lot of rumbles about how he was a "soft" player. Another rumor was that he was "afraid to pitch" because he was coming off a bad year in 2005. I guess you're not allowed to have any personal issues as a professional ball player or at least that's how some people perceive it.

Greinke stepped away from baseball for seven months in 2006 to receive treatment for his disorders. He came back as the pitcher everyone thought he was going to be. He won the highest award for a pitcher, the Cy Young award, in 2009. It appears he is doing really well and I hope he remains on the top of his game.

I commend Greinke for coming forward and shedding a spotlight on this. Since you can't physically see what is going on with someone who has depression or anxiety in an X-ray or MRI, people with it get labeled as soft, lazy, or "faking" it. It must have been tough on him, especially since he gets paid a lot of money to play a kids game and isn't "supposed" to be unhappy (another false notion about someone with depression/social anxiety.) I wish him nothing but the best and hope he continues to succeed except on those days he plays the Red Sox. I won't have to worry much as long as he stays in the National League.

Here's a link to the podcast. It's show #2 and we talk about Greinke towards the end...
The Bicoastal Sports Show

Here's a link to an article on what Greinke went through...
Greinke and social anxiety disorder