Where has my self esteem been?

It's pretty simple really. When I'm in my manic state I feel good and good about myself. When I'm depressed, I don't. That's why I think I've been in a prolonged bout with depression this time around. I'm not talking about depressed to the point where I can't get out of bed. That's what my meds are for, to prevent those low lows and high highs. But it's just enough where I'm not myself. 

I mentioned before how my last meds made me put on 40 lbs. in a short amount of time. I haven't been able to do anything with it. Never mind the fact that it feels like I woke up one day and I'm balding and half my hair/beard is gray. Getting old sucks. 

I'm finally taking a step to do something about it. I'm participating in a month to month contest with a couple of friends to see who can lose the most weight. I can't tell you how much I need this. I excel in competition. Even if I lose, it's the right thing to do. I need to get back to being healthy and picking my self esteem out of the trash pile...