I've been hospitalized twice in my life due to my disorder and what was labeled suicidal ideation. The 1st I can't even remember, probably because I didn't get proper treatment or heal any of my issues. The 2nd was an awakening, almost vacation-esque.
I was transferred from where I started to a much better facility. It was the first time in a long time I was told it was ok and I could actually breathe and rest. This is where I did a lot of treatment and was properly diagnosed as Bipolar, ADD, and a slight form of OCD. Immediately I thought "wow, I'm pretty fucked up!" but I'm learning to embrace it and live with it. The initial plan was to treat the bipolar first. Lithium was prescribed and all was well for a bit.
Self esteem fluctuates as much as my moods and I've never felt "great" in my skin. I was getting happy with my body. It was the first time in 6 years I was below the 200 lbs. (Mendoza line for my baseball people.) Well, I guess a teeny tiny side effect of lithium is "may cause increase in weight." Understatement of the century. It's not like I was eating like a horse, but in 3 months I put on 40 lbs!! Yup, you read that right. Self esteem schmelf esteem, I have none left...... I'm down a few pounds now and starting Monday, I found a good group of guys that are starting a version of "Biggest Loser." I've always thrived with competition and hopefully this will be the kick in the ass I need....
