Monday, May 23, 2011

What did I do?!

Maybe it's just the way I react to things or maybe it has something to do with my disorder, but I've always reacted to a "Hey, come here" with a "What the hell did I do wrong?" As my mind races back and forth to try to figure it out, the person just wants to show me something or have a conversation. It's 10 seconds I go from being filled with panic to extremely relieved. The thing is 99.9% of the time I haven't done anything to warrant a "what did I do?" or that feeling of panic. 

With all the talks with doctors and the meds that I'm on, which are working for numerous things, I can't pinpoint why I respond this way. Maybe it's because I prepare how every conversation I could have with someone might go, to avoid conflict of course. Maybe I don't feel like I'm in control and don't want to be caught off guard. Whatever the reason may be, I hope I get to the bottom of it soon. Although I'm doing a lot better, those 10 seconds of panic are tough to handle! It's one of the worst anxieties/panic attacks that I get and I can't find a reasonable answer to why I get them.

No comments:

Post a Comment