My Mania

It took them awhile to diagnose me as bipolar, which is/was better known as manic depressive. Can't speak for others but in my manic stage I feel like Parker Lewis, I can't lose. It feels like every move is the right move. Your self esteem is maxed out. Every line you say gets a laugh and (when single) every girl at the bar looked at you a little different (in a good way.) You're constantly, and I hate to use a played out line from Charlie Sheen, but you're winning! You do whatever you can to stay in this phase. The only time I like being in a social setting, and don't feel awkward and enept, is in this manic state.

There obviously is a downside or this wouldn't be a "mental illness." I think there's a stigma where people misinterpret mania for irresponsibility. Picture every decision you make, every inkling of your body says "don't" but you're doing it anyway before you even realize it. You spend money you don't have on good times with so called friends. You drink away your car payment and snort your rent for the month. That's nothing until you become "ok" again and what you've done meets real life consequences. For me, that's when the back breaking loads of guilt and thoughts of self hate and destruction come in. But that's a whole different blog for a different day....